We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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