I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
