M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You pole danced in your parka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
