OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
