dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
