a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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