Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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