His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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