my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
