ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
