so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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