I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
