Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
