I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize