but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
