I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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