You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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