On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
