I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
