I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
