That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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