I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
