I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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