i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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