yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
