All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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