Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
