so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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