similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
