I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
