Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
