I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
