so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
