Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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