I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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