You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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