Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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