it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
