His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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