last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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