okay pat passed out under dana's car
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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