this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
