Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
