Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Couch. On fire.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
