Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
