Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
