I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
