So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
