You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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