WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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