if i can run in heels then i can drive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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