I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm jealous of your bromance
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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