i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So many bounce houses so little time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
