Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
