Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
