weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
