At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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