I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All the doctor said was why
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
