I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
