My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
