Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
