should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
