you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
