I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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