well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
