to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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