if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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