We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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