My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
