Someone shit on the floor
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
