Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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