Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
