I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
