I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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