..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
