Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize