I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
