yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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