I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
