I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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