my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
