i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The air was thick with penises
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
