I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
