My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
