Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
